For Freedom Not For Beauty-Chrisette Michele

I really wanted to share an excerpt from this poem by Chrisette Michele. It speaks such truth to my spirit and I figure it may do the same for another. To read the poem in it's entirety and view an exclusive interview with Chrisette Michele with TheChunckyChickz, visit 365voice.com.







So perhaps there is a peace in becoming.
Perhaps the meaning is in the experience and not the sight.
Maybe a flower grows because it suffocates underground.

Whether or not she is always noticed, beauty must become.

She doesn’t look for an eye.
She doesn’t listen for a voice.
She just becomes,

For Freedom Not For Beauty

-Chrisette Michele

I know I've strayed from speaking about hair on this blog in past post, but trust me the subject has not been out mind as much as its been out of sight. My natural hair journey has broadened my vision of beauty and multiplied the self love that I have for me. Through this I have gained confidence and learned who Cherline is as a person and I'm falling in love with her daily. Before, I went natural to find the meaning of beauty but instead I've found freedom. The freedom in knowing that I am naturally me!


PS. It feels great to be a college graduate, I couldn't have come to this cross road at a better time. Think now I plan to get back to blogging, interesting things should be happening as I move out on my own and decorate my first apartment without a roommate. Not only that but I'm embarking on this PR Journey, a new career, in Sunny Miami Florida. The first day at the office in downtown Miami is most definitely going to be a blog-able moment!!


Next post will have pictures...graduation, parties, work, school, sorority life....so much to document.


Until then, I'll just be, naturally me!


♥  CheCh3

I Did It!

I'm a college graduate...-sigh- what a relief. Finally the count down ended May 2, 2010 and I became the first in my family to obtain a bachelors degree! Yippee

School's out for..ever (not really but grad school is not on the brain at the moment.)

We have some catching up to do, and although I'm tres excite, now is not the time to write about it.

Hope all is well in your world!

Until next time, I'll just be, naturally me!

♥ CheCh3

24 mths & 5 days

So this isn't really the post that I said I would do but I was itching to blog before I get ready for school. 2010 resuscitate the blog?

I'm putting it in my calendar right now to blog tonight when I get off from work. Finally going to put up the pictures from the last few months.

I don't have a picture of me on the 5/6th, maybe I can find the one online since there were people taking pictures of me. I was in Tallahassee last week wasn't really thinking about my hair, but I did remember to tell people that I've been growing them from 2 years, man that feels good!

...to be continued

♥ CheChe

Focus

Often, we get overwhelmed by everything we're doing and forget to zone in our objectives. Recently I had to sit back and analyze everything I was doing, what had I accomplished, what would I accomplish? By doing so, I realized that I was doing so much that I was not actually focused on anything. 27 credit hours, are no joke. 2 internships, a full time job... No wonder I was feeling like there weren't enough hours in the day.

A typical day for me is wake up, read e-mails, shower, maybe have breakfast. If I'm going to school I'm there from 8am-1:45pm before I get a break. Fit in campus organizations and e-mails, the day rapidly flys by and it's 6:30 PM when I head for my night class. Directly from that class to the radio station. I'm there from 8pm-10pm. I get home by 10:30PM and my body screams sleep, so studying is neglected. Work days are normally 8-5:30PM class at 6:30PM same radio routine. I see my mother for 2 hours in the morning then I don't see her again, until the next morning.

I have groups in every class, so when can I meet with them, with my schedule?

Social life? Forget about it! lol

So, in order to do all these things and do them well I decided I was missing one thing and I needed to reclaim it with a quickness. FOCUS

I really need to study, I graduate May 2, 2010, these classes directly affect my future career, I need to focus! I will not lie, I haven't cracked open any of my school books since 2 weeks after school began. So, that's a lot of catching up that I need to do.

I want to give my all to both internships so although I love being at the radio station, many of the things I do there, will be maintained from home. I'll be managing the websites, getting my writing skills fine tuned a bit by doing so and once a week, Thursday evenings going in to work with equipment.

My other internship, I need my creative juices to start flowing! My writing needs to improve as well, so my focus is there also getting my media list beefed up. I'm actually working in PR, and brand marketing with this internship. I really want to evolve with this. I want to WOW my internship director. Focus is definitely needed.

Working from home in the evenings will give me more time with my family and I love that. My mommy is going to be really pleased. Actually let's say the end for this blog post so that I can tell her the great news!!!!

Au revoir,

♥ Ch3Che

Finally

I got my natural hair fix, checked out some of my favorite blogs, and it's seems everyone is doing great! I've been meaning to blog for Lord knows how long but time just has not permitted. I neglect my hair now, it's the sad truth. I often forget it's gotten longer until someone who hasn't seen me in a while makes a comment. Like yesterday, while in Miami visiting with my cousin she states, "I really like the way your hair is turning out, at first I wasn't too sure but now it really looks good. So, why did you decide to get dreads?"

LOL I'm tired of answering that question and I've come up with a couple crazy reasons:

I don't like to comb my hair.

I'm joining a cult.

Black Power

But truth be told I don't have some remarkable story. It's just what I wanted and it's so much a part of me now that I can't recall a time without them.

When I say I neglect my hair it's not for lack of loving it. It's just that I've become accustomed to not having to fret about it. I can wake up and go, a pony tail is no longer a pony tail it's an up-do. My free style, lets my free spirit sore. I can't imagine going through this time in my life maintaining a weave or straight hair.

I'm in my final year of school taking 27 hrs, 2 internships one locally one in Miami, I work full-time, I'm VP of one club, and Pres of another. It's a revolving door for me, and not having to stop to style my hair is a blessing.

So, I love my locks for giving me one less thing to worry about. I don't mind the compliments they bring either! LOL

I'm 1 year & 8mths into this relationship, it's not always easy but it's worth it!


♥ CheChe

Update #...? I dunno lol

Hey there!

This post is long overdue, seeing as I was supposed to be posting almost everyday but as you can see that hasn't happen. I've been trying to get a video update on my hair done for weeks but hmph that hasn't been done either. The good thing about it all is that, it's not because I'm lazy or don't have the desire. Because, I do, really I do! It's just that the time management aspect of my life needs some fine tuning. Serious fine tuning,

So, what has the Diva (yeah I still call myself such lol) been up to? Well other than the broken heart episode, I'm still working and interning, I have two internships at the moment and I love them both. If I had the choice to live comfortably and not work at my REAL job I would be doing my internship work full time. I seriously CAN NOT wait to graduate.

Last month I went on a promo tour with an up and coming R&B artist Cherisme promoting her hot single Fly Mamita, check her out tell me what you think. We were in Miami, Daytona, Orlando, Tampa, Tallahasse, Gainesville, Atlanta, it was tres awesome. I really didn't want to come home and back to work. I missed my family yeah naturally but everything else was like 2 fingers up peace out.

Now, I just really need to work on coming out of this shell I seem to have. I'm not shy, really I'm not but for some reason I come off that way with new people. Even when I try hard not to! It's whack, and I have phone anxiety lol I hate talking on the phone with certain people. I'll text and e-mail like no other but when it comes to the phone I have to lock myself in a closet to have the conversation.

Writing I used to think I was a great writer, well that's what people said to me but I don't have that journalistic style that's necessary as a public relations specialist. I have someone in mind to give me lessons BUT financial constraints.

When I got back, my Dad came with me. Can you believe this man hadn't been to the hospital since I was 2 yrs old? That was in 1989 and come to find out he has diabetes and almost passed out in the apt. So, I was taking care of the pops and the momma dukes and playing referree between them, big love hate thing going on.
School starts soon, hopefully I can get some blogs in and I'm going to take pictures, lots and lots of pictures, and get my but back in the gym! That Glady's and Ron's Chicken and Waffles Ohh it was good but boy did it mess up my imaginary abs!

Well TTYL!


♥ Ch3Che

What up What up What up

Hey there!

I'm sorry I left you all with such a sad post at the top for so long but things have been fast paced these past few months. BUT through it all lessons have been learned, like for one...I don't have to always answer my phone or respond to text. Such a simple lesson but it took a long time to come to terms with. I have two phones, an iPhone & a blackberry, and often my laptop is with me. Although I'm proud to say this week my baby has remained at home! People basically have 24/7 access to me, and I feel obligated to respond at times, that is definitely changing!

How am I doing with the lost of my Gui?

I deal with things by NOT dealing with them, I close myself off to the situation and push myself into something that displaces emotions. It's kind of like drinking away ones sorrows. It's not easy especially as I sat here thinking that today is the John Legend concert that we were texting about the night before he passed, I miss him and feel like I took him for granted while he was here. I don't want to do that with anyone else I love. Yet at the same time my emotions seem to have been sealed off. I still haven't cried over Michael Jackson even after watching such a touching memorial service yesterday. I pushed it to the side, even made jokes just to keep emotions at bay. Example: Yesterday driving home w/ my best friend Ludie listening to "The Way You Make Me Feel" and out the blue I say I'm mad Gui gets to meet Michael Jackson before me!

Oh Lord I miss him...

I'm a work a holic. I'm going to learn how to rest and put me first...soon. I've been told that I need to slow down, although right now I feel like life is too short. I'm trying to make a name for myself, make my mommy, family and friends proud so it's full speed ahead to my objectives.

I'm still in school expecting to graduate May 2010, though for my minor I'll still have 2 classes to take that summer.

I'm interning @ Clear Channel Radio w/ Radio Personality Dj Quest of 105.5 The Beat & @ E. Mason & Associates.

I feel blessed to have an opportunity to work close with these individuals, Quest I've known since high school and has helped with all of my annoying inquiries about the entertainment industry, allowing me to hang out at the radio station after school and giving me insider leads. He ultimately landed me the internship with E. Mason & Associates which handles media relations for artist like Rick Ross and Flo Rida.

In the past few mths, I've been on stage with Maybach Music Artist, writing reviews for events that I never would have dreamed attending, traveling to different states to promote upcoming artist, backstage all access pass to shows of artist that I DVR'd, shopping sprees, to spruce up my wardrobe.

Thinking back on these past few months even with the sad moments, it's all been a beautiful and blessed learning experience. While going full speed ahead, I'm coming into my own as a young adult, it's almost as if I'm meeting myself for the first time and I'm so intrigued. Seeing my future by faith and it's strengthing my soul. I'm going to be all right.

Well I've gone on enough, so I'm going to end this post here, soon I'll update you about my hair 1.5 years as of 2 days ago (so proud that I didn't notice that until I just typed it LOL!), new niece, my clothes, my adventures, love? possibly lol. More on the road to my career and any other interesting tidbits or ramblings I can think of.

I really need to blog more!!

e-kisses

♥ CheChe

Yoga Update

Did I make it through the 40 minute work out? No, I didn't even get to do one minute of it, my brother is in town taking over the living room so I couldn't disturb him. (Really, he'd beat me up) When I came home from work the  program was no longer there, it only saved it for 24hrs. I'm going to find some beginner yoga baby steps, lol I see some A.M yoga maybe that's more calm, it's been a while so I guess I need to take it slow. I'm screening yoga episodes my brother and sister are laughing at me, screw them!  I will not be defeated, again baby steps. I'm going to post some pictures of me doing poses at a friends house back in 2006. I did it before I'm going to do it again, shoot!

I'm meeting with a friend at 6 am to work out so that I can learn proper form for weight lifting, I don't want to hurt myself trying to get fit that's not t

he goal at all.  I won't be experimenting with the yoga tonight other than some meditation to calm my anxiety right now. I have a midterm in my logics course tomorrow. I get test anxiety, it's like I psyche myself out. This is what was going through my mind an hour ago:

 

Inner voice: What if you get something simple wrong, the professor is going to be grading the paper like, dang she's not taking my course seriously.

 Diva to inner voice: Nah, he knows I'm a hard worker.

 

IV: Well he's going to be wondering why you're not seriously working hard to learn his material. You must not be smart.

 

D: I am, but I'm under a lot of stress...test are not my forte.

 

IV: He don't care about your stress he's just wondering why you missed all these questions.

 

D: I'm not going to miss a lot of questions, I'm going to do well.

 

IV: You better, because we don't fail.

 

D: We sure don't!

 

Yeah lol now, everyone is thinking I'm crazy. Don't act like you don't have conversations with yourself internally. (LMBO)

 

Ugh I have an orthodontist appointment, normally I binge eat because my mouth is going to be sore for like 3 days, but won't that defeat the purpose of this exercise stuff? Guess I need to stop at the grocery store in the morning get some mashed potatoes and soup.

 Nite nite!

The Journey Continues

I successfully completed the summer semester 2 A's and 2 B's funny thing is that the A's where in a subject that I'm normally not great in, science. It was surprising looking at my final posted grades and seeing that I actually did okay. I thought I had given up but subconsciously I couldn't allow myself to fail. To God be the glory on that because this DiVA clocked out midway through the second term. I'm currently on vacation from work and school which I certainly need after letting emotion interfere in the work place. I'm realizing that my anger issues have not disappeared like I tried to make myself and others believe. I mean after three anger management classes I'd like to think I was a bit happier? I guess I'm not fooling myself anymore because just last week a bone fell out of my closet. So, I decided rather than stuffing it back in and leaving it to fall back out I'm going to do something about it. The calmest time in my life was during the 4 years of high school. I believe it was because I was busy with EVERYTHING and I didn't have time to get angry if I did get angry I could go to band practice and kill the formations march the hekk out of the field, spin the flag hard like I was whacking someones head off kick as if I wanted to knock that person or situation into next week or even murder the strings of my violin. I had goals I had to accomplish I had to get out of the hood and show others that this was not all WE could be. I also realized that the anger reemerged once I began slipping backwards well more like getting too comfortable with in the place I'd arrived with the few goals I had accomplished lol! The devil doesn't ever want to see you happy. Counseling helped so I'm considering doing that again but some other things that I've decided to look into are picking up some of my old activities. Yoga and playing my violin primarily. I begin lessons next Thursday the 28th so I'll actually have to do more than take my violin out of it's case and just looking at it or holding it. Yoga will begin in September hopefully once this gym opens up. I've also been attending church services and that feels good, lastly school which is a must if I want to get that MBA before I'm 26 lol, who knows if that all works I may even start dancing on the side. I'm to young to be so serious I can't be everyones shero and I know they don't all expect it of me so I'm praying they're supportive of my quest to be a less angry and stressed out DiVA.

Sisterlocks, natural hair in general has given me a different perspective on how I want to live my life, this year began with a journey to learn how to love myself...I'm still learning how and I'm enjoying every minute of it. Well back to my vacation of romance novels ;)

DiVA 0ut!

7mths 6th Wash

It's been a while since my last post, and I guess a lot happened since then. I'm doing better, learning how to regulate my diet to combat with the fatigue associated with anemia. Completed the final summer term 4 days ago not sure what my grades are as of yet, I wrote two papers in philosophy that gained me 2 A's one on "Freedom and Responsibility: Blacks need to take responsibility for their freedom" and the second on "Morals, Slave and Master Morality: Slavery in America a necessity for freedom now". Yea it was hard writing the second one but some how I pulled it off. I bombed the midterm not sure what I got on the final so I'm in limbo as to what my grade is there. As for Oceanography I was averaging a B before the final so who knows. I was on the deans list after the Spring term, so I'm hoping that I keep that position, if the summer term even counts. As of right now I'm just excited that I have two full weeks without school. Hmm what else have I done? I went out one night with the same group again of course. It was actually okay though it made me aware of the options out in about in this miserable city. It seems I'm going to be single for a LOOOONG time. It's one thing when I say I'm not ready for a relationship and a totally different thing when there isn't any thing out there to be ready for. What has happen to the guys? Guess I've had my head buried in romance novels far too long. As for my hair, it's kept up with the stressful days and it's been wonderful. Even going out with the girls that night was okay all I did was gather my hair up with one bobby pin and was out and about looking fierce with nothing but a touch of lip gloss. Decided to treat my hair since it allows me to be so nappturally beautiful so I washed my hair last night finally. I'm not really feeling the sisterlocks shampoo it doesn't get a good lather. I badly want to use some sort of moisturizer in my hair, in a week it will be fine but after washing it feels weird. Right now my hair is curly because of the way I let them dry out. Yeah this post is just a bunch of random lines...I'm still off quilter, so bare with me. Um... I can wear hats! I thought I wouldn't be able to with my hair being short but it actually looks nice. Life in some ways is blah right now, my sister is on oxygen. My mother has good and bad days, last night being a bad one but part of today was good. We all went to church which hasn't happened in a while for me. I need to find a new church think it will help me to know that the burden is not all mine. My mother planned her funeral, she let me see a picture of her casket. Not one that I would've picked. Knowing that almost made me break down in tears to thinking I wouldn't have known what she would want, but today unknowingly to her, she reassured me that she's not going anywhere yet when she palmed my behind (PICTURED). Okay I'm stopping this post now since it's going every which way. Pictures are of my braid and band, braidout bantu, hat, ma famille, and me on my night out! You can click to enlarge. -DiVA OUT

My Addiction

I have a serious addiction and I doubt there is a twelve step program that could rid me of it. I love to read! I can escape in a book the entire day without a care for anything. If the apartment was burning down I think, I'd have to be pulled out of the fire before I could lift my eyes from the pages of my sweet euphoria. I become highly upset if anyone should even try to interrupt me as I try to sneak in a quick dose. Escaping into the lives of the characters assuming their roles as my very own!!! Yeah I have problem lol it's been a while...okay 3 days since I was able to read a full book in one sitting. (Those books don't really count because they were novella's and it was the weekend but an actual full novel in one day has been forever. )Partly because my life is so busy between school, work, and trying to spend time with my family in the few short hours that I get to spend at home. I work 5 days a week and attend classes 3 days a week, my mother and sister receive the few hours in between. They're so understanding and supportive of me and they feed the fuel to my fire which keeps me going rather than giving up to run away and play like other college students my age. 21 one living the life of someone 31...I don't think I've ever lived a life that mirrored my current age. Which is probably why reading has always been my escape and why I never had a boyfriend (that's another post lol). When my friends speak about dates and guys pursuing them I can almost relate because I experienced it too...only not through first hand experiences but through the words of the characters of my books. Wierdo...I'm a nerd lol wow. My family teases me about it all the time but I didn't realize how much my books have been my haven until after I completed this last book. "Nappily Married" I've been so busy lately I haven't really even had the time to sit down and blog. After completing Term A of summer with a 3.5 I jumped right in to Term B and boy is it harder. My arms are being tugged in three directions yet I only have two so you know something just ain't right lol. Any who...my philosophy class was canceled today so I actually had my day off as my day off (other than my orthodontist appt) I decided to drop off a library book then looked at the new arrivals and found "Nappily Faithful" I read the first book in the series (Nappily Ever After) back in high school so rather than coming home to get a start on some reading material or get a head start on an assignment for class I opened up that book and read like my life depended on it. Getting to the last page was bitter sweet but knowing that I have part three to dig into ASAP gave me unexplainable joy. (I love series that follow the same characters.) It was really like a quick vacation from ALL the stress and I feel rejuvenated as crazy as this sounds it was what I needed. The author Trisha R. Thomas is a locked sister! I fully recommend all of her books even though I still have yet to read two I skipped one because the library didn't have it,(I'm a little peeved skipping a section of Venus' life hate messing up the chronology lol) and the last one is in my secret hiding place. Nappily Ever After is being turned into a movie and guess who plays Venus and actually cuts off all her hair? Halle Berry!!! Yeah boy can't wait to see it.

In other news I applied for graduation for this fall...it's only going to be my AA but it means that even after my life had been temporarily derailed from my goals rather than giving up when life happened I jumped back in the rat race. It's not what or where I imagined I'd be right now but I feel so much joy that I know there is no where I'd much rather be. If only I could quench the little fear bubbles about heading back to a university when I transfer this spring. In other news look at my half up pony tail!!! It was too hot while I was driving back from campus I had to do something, and I haven't thought to take it down...this last picture is me on my way out to work. I wanted to see what the vest looked like the way I intended to wear it when I purchased it with a shirt lol. Good night all! I have to attend a meeting with the VP of our market this morning and I must get my beauty rest so that I can be prepared and not out shined by anyone else that will be present.

5 Months Locked!!

I haven't posted in a while because I recieved a low grade on my first psychology test I had to punish myself. LOL I'll have to admit I didn't really pay attention the first few classes so I brought the low grade upon my self...I don't study, I don't think I really ever studied. I just pay attention in class read the required material probably briefly go over it once or twice while we're still on the topic...maybe bore my family with it and that's about it. So, when people ask me how to get good grades I don't know what to tell them. Eh oh well, guess in someway that's my version of studying. N-E Way

I've almost had my hair in the same style for half a year!! That's crazy to me, looking back I had a new weave or just a new style every 2-3 weeks, and just plain ole cold turkey I jumped into locks. 5 mths as of last week and I'm loving EVERY DAY.

This me fresh out of bed, with out the wierd morning hair finally they're behaving somewhat, minus that one that wasn't blending I would shake my head and it would still be right there all noticable. I ignored it, showed it who was boss, now I can't find it! lol

When I'm too lazy to take off my satin cap/braid sack I actually go out in public with them...

Random aside:

It is pouring down some major rain right about now and I so wish I was at home, this is the best type of weather when you're at home not stuck at work. Hurricane season one of the best times of the year. Yeah I actually like hurricanes =\ wierd I know.

Back to hair....

I had my hair retightened yesterday, a week late I had to cancel due to a test I was having in Oceanography couldn't miss the lecture. This was the longest it's ever taken to retighten and I didn't even get it washed. I felt bad for my consultant, my hair hasn't been washed since my last retightening and it won't be washed until the day before my next! LOL it doesn't stink and it actually stopped snowing. Those natural hair oils must be escaping from the pores of my scalp and doing what they're supposed to do. She says the back of my head is locking yay!! She also said I had some lent, I never seem to find lent in my hair when I'm looking for them. This was also the first time I felt anything during my appointment because she was pulling down my locks I thought she was going to rip out my edge but all my little soldiers made it out safely from the war.

Left before, right after!

4 Months Locked

My mommy is back, she's never leaving my sight again. I'm trying my best to keep her in good spirits, it's hard but not more then I can bare. The death of my cousin was hard on her, especially as news soon followed that my cousins were blaming family in the US for her death. From what I've been told they feel that if their mother my aunt was alive today they too would be in America, or well cared for. I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth and I know I'm not living in a huge house and I do have to work to get by. My mother does what she can and now they're all adults married with children at some point they'll learn that the blame can't always be placed on someone else. But eh I believe it's the lost of their sister causing them to say the things they're saying so I'm not holding any of it against any of them. My mother was denied my cousins body to have her funeral here, and she's unable to travel. Everyone that would have been leaving the US for the funeral ended up not going because of miscommunication, I still don't have a passport which is why I did not go in place of my mother, my cousin in N. Carolina did go (Ti Rose was her sister), I need to call and speak with her about the funeral but I'm not sure what kind of reception I'll get.

My sister became a citizen this past week in Tampa, it's like finally after living here 22 years you'd think she'd be a citizen already.

Yesterday was the first time that I actually remembered my locks were installed 4 months ago, this is why I can't be in a relationship, I really would never remember those little anniversaries in between. I'm trying something new with the locks, I'm not wetting them until July, my scalp is so flaky I make it "snow" each time my hand goes any where near my head so this is going to be scary, guess I'll be looking into the dry wash for the next two months. I'll also have to wear a stay back sign because the summer heat will surely cause the smell to escape my nappy nest. I'm beginning to be curious as to the amount of locks I have, I had them counted once and the number was 375 which is average but I think she lost count, because I counted just now (yeah at work counting hair) and I counted 383 but I lose count after two I'm ADD when it comes to counting. My sister won't do it because she's seen my hair snow, how can I bribe her?



School is out, well it was out but I'm going right back in for a full summer semester, that began today ( forgot so I missed the first day of school). I did not obtain my goal of a 4.0 for the Spring semester, but I did come close 3.5 is what I ended with 2 A's and 2 B's. I was not feeling it at first but when everyone reminded me of the circumstances that hit me during this semester I DID AWESOME!! We'll see what happens during Psych, Philosophy and Oceanography I & II this summer.

I'm Back

I wasn't gone that long and thank God for it. My mother is much better and is planning to return to the states the moment riots die down in Port Au Prince, Haiti and it's safe to travel. She doesn't feel safe enough to travel on her own especially since her health isn't all that great. (Price of food has gone up and the people aren't making that much more money so of course they're pissed.) My sister is surprising her this weekend I don't have a passport and I don't really know my way around Haiti like that so my oldest sister who's in the picture with me with all her bebe kids is flying out Sunday morning to go and get my mommy!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!

I was a mess these past few weeks my mother is my heart and I don't even want to think what I would do if something were to happen to her. My phone bill is going to be sky high all that international dialing. Thank you for all the prayers, it's a powerful thing and I believe ultimately it's what helped me to escape this nightmare. I can't wait for my mommy to get home I know she's going to be annoyed by be being all up on her but she has no idea how much I miss and love her. My mother is like a man she doesn't show emotion so she'll probably push me after the first 2 hugs when she gets back. LOL!!

My grades were suffering I was depressed as I don't know what I actually got a C in my Humanities class lol students were emailing me all semester asking that I help them and then all of a sudden I get a C and I almost pass out. I brought the grades back up minus Journalism but I'm not even going to get into that. I think she is just going to have to curve the grades in all of her classes.

Weird things have happened during this time, I live in the hood and I had to hang my panties outside I did them in a secretive way made my own little contraption but guess what happened? Someone stole my panties among them my hello kitty and snoopy boy shorts. So, I had to finally put good use to my Victoria Secret gift card that I received as gift for my birthday. That store is so dang expensive! I don't think I'll ever be hooked unless it's one of my stressed out shopping sprees. Which I have had many!! I bought a lot of stuff this past month it's all the stress I tell you.



Yes that's something else about me, whenever I get stressedd, sad, or mad I shop. I'm not a great shopper though because I hate the mall and other stores so I just get in get out. I almost purchased a 1000 dollar television while grocery shopping at Walmart thought it would make me feel better. Then I almost purchased a Wii which was going to come up to like $700 after all the games and such. I was a hot mess. This time I did good, I only purchased a pair of Coach sneakers, some Nike's for myself, my sister and my niece, a pair of Jordan's for my nephew some Kenneth Cole dress shoes for my 2 year old nephew and also a Phat Farm outfit for him it was his birthday that weekend, and a digital camera OH WAIT and my new MAC BOOK. I don't shop for brands, I rarely shop seriously unless something is stressing me out then money just seems to not want to stay in my hands. So of course after I purchased it all I just sat down and thought what the hekk?? They're 2,6 and 8 I think I get confused about their ages but point being they don't need to be poisoned by wanting name brands at that age. I went all of my school days with Thrift Store clothing I didn't know what brand name was until I could afford it myself so hopefully my stress doesn't spoil them.

3 Months have gone by since I had my locks installed and I'm loving my hair I have an appointment to have them washed and re tightened in the morning before I go to work, can't wait because these suckers are dirty. I actually forgot that it was my 3 month mark because I don't fuss about my hair anymore that's a miracle. I've had my hair in the same style for 3 months and I'm actually content. I did try some bantu knots, here are the results of that.

Bad quality this was pre-new digi cam:

I had a mammogram and a ultrasound for my boob, had a lump that wasn't too comfortable lack of insurance caused be to stop getting it checked then worrying about my moms health I put myself on the back burner but finally mustered up the courage to go and see the doctor on my own which was another reason as to why I didn't want to be on the computer. They had to compare the results from 6mths ago and now, and she says it hasn't grown but she also asked if I wanted a surgeon referral. My idea about it is if it's not broke don't fix it. So, no cutting anything out of me. The doctor found another lump so from what I got from her she want to cut them out to be safe. AHHHHHH that's scaring the hekk out of me so I'm just praying these suckers disappear, or just stay the same size maybe I just have lumpy boobies.

I have another stray cat, "woof woof" as my nephew calls the stray that has adopted my family brought us a new kitty, she seems to be afraid of everything and even though once she thinks I'm out of sight she'll come and eat she hasn't warmed up to us as nicely as woof woof has. The other day I set out their breakfast and she was finally eating and when I went to check on them I found that woof woof had punked the new kitty and took her food! LOL he's so mean before we actually started setting out two plates she would sniff around his food and he'd actually growl like how do you take her to a restaurant but not want to let her have some of your food woof woof? LOL he is not a gentleman at all. I punished him tonight because kitty looked like she was trying to give him a kissy kiss and he slapped her out of his face, so no meal for him tonight. I'm afraid of them still haven't warmed up to the idea of him rubbing against my leg but they both have a special place in my heart, I refer to them as mine and I actually speak to them. That's a big thing if you consider that I never could understand how people considered their animals their babies but I'm gaining a better understanding.

On another topic: I met a holocaust survivor and I read Night by Elie Wiesel for my Humanities class and it was an eye opener for me, I immediately started doing some research on the Holocaust and I have a couple of books on my reading list, I want to educate myself more on that time and on genocides period. It also has me more interested in reading my Bible.

The semester is almost over now, but a new one starts a week after. I'm trying to go through non-stop to make up for lost time, and I've decided to stay at my current school until I complete my AA and then transfer to a University, and complete my Bachelors in Communications there. Why? Because it's cheaper and I need to save my money!

Well, that's all for now but I'm back with a new camera that I love taking pictures with and a Mac that's stuck to my hip, so count on A LOT of updates! I have to get my beauty rest to go and see my consultant in the morning.

-DiVA 0UT

No Prettiful Me Today

Yes today is definitely a sweat pants pajama bottom day! I have 45 minutes to get dressed and out the door for school. Suckish! I had to take another stab at this math test. I got a higher B "Grrr" on my math test. Now, I need to get an A on the in class test today in order to be all right or else I'll be in a sour mood for days if I average a B.

So, if my math professor rounds my grade to 85 on the math test and I score 100 on all my math assignments previous to the tests and he applies it to a 25 point scale where 25=100 because 100/4 =25 and so on. I have a 25 and a 22 thus far. The in class test is out of 100 points so the highest one can score is 150pts for this section. What do I need on my in class test in order to get an A average overall?

Example: 25+25+90=140

(I got an A the first test)

140/150=93%

My set up is: 22+25+x= an A avg

Hopefully I set that up right! LOL time to get dressed for school!

Realization

Have you ever been in denial about something so long and numerous people have brought it to your attention then one day a conversation leads to self reflecting and you begin to realize that there is some truth behind what these people have been saying? Well that happened to me yesterday, after having a conversation with a friend a few hours later I replayed the conversation in my mind and I realized that I was trying to defend why am I am the way I am, but the way I was doing it left certain things unanswered, I was refusing to be honest with myself. Not to say that I find a problem with the way I am but I just need to admit to myself that I am afraid, I'm afraid of relationships because I'm afraid to be vulnerable, afraid of depending on others, afraid of people leaving/wasting time, afraid of getting hurt not only because of the relationships of others that I've seen but also because of my own experiences. Which were not relationships per say but they still had a lasting impact on the way that I treat the opposite sex. So, yes I do have a barrier up. Does this mean I'm going to let it down, no that would be dumb I need to protect myself but maybe I'll build a trap door somewhere, and if it's meant to happen it will happen. I'm in no rush...I'm only 21. I'll continue to be me and if it happens to turn you off from me so be it, it wasn't meant to happen. I'm a strong black phenomenal Haitian woman, any man would be blessed to have me just I would be blessed to have him. In other news!! I got dressed up for class yesterday I wasn't as pressed for time as I thought I'd be. (My journalism class ended up being cancelled!) Nothing special just not the sweats that I had in mind while writing the blog yesterday. I wrote in a previous blog that I knew a guy with locks who had the same consultant as me, I snagged a couple pictures yesterday on the way to my Humanites class. Yeah guess I wasn't too pressed for time lol! Any who here are the pictures of our mini photoshoot. Isn't he prettiful! Lol Even though he makes fun of the way I speak with my braces and thinks I'm evil (long story). I think he's cool people and I absolutely love his locks. My hands always gravitate to his head and they smell like an orange! Hopefully I can add pictures of my other locked and natural friends.