Yoga Update

Did I make it through the 40 minute work out? No, I didn't even get to do one minute of it, my brother is in town taking over the living room so I couldn't disturb him. (Really, he'd beat me up) When I came home from work the  program was no longer there, it only saved it for 24hrs. I'm going to find some beginner yoga baby steps, lol I see some A.M yoga maybe that's more calm, it's been a while so I guess I need to take it slow. I'm screening yoga episodes my brother and sister are laughing at me, screw them!  I will not be defeated, again baby steps. I'm going to post some pictures of me doing poses at a friends house back in 2006. I did it before I'm going to do it again, shoot!

I'm meeting with a friend at 6 am to work out so that I can learn proper form for weight lifting, I don't want to hurt myself trying to get fit that's not t

he goal at all.  I won't be experimenting with the yoga tonight other than some meditation to calm my anxiety right now. I have a midterm in my logics course tomorrow. I get test anxiety, it's like I psyche myself out. This is what was going through my mind an hour ago:

 

Inner voice: What if you get something simple wrong, the professor is going to be grading the paper like, dang she's not taking my course seriously.

 Diva to inner voice: Nah, he knows I'm a hard worker.

 

IV: Well he's going to be wondering why you're not seriously working hard to learn his material. You must not be smart.

 

D: I am, but I'm under a lot of stress...test are not my forte.

 

IV: He don't care about your stress he's just wondering why you missed all these questions.

 

D: I'm not going to miss a lot of questions, I'm going to do well.

 

IV: You better, because we don't fail.

 

D: We sure don't!

 

Yeah lol now, everyone is thinking I'm crazy. Don't act like you don't have conversations with yourself internally. (LMBO)

 

Ugh I have an orthodontist appointment, normally I binge eat because my mouth is going to be sore for like 3 days, but won't that defeat the purpose of this exercise stuff? Guess I need to stop at the grocery store in the morning get some mashed potatoes and soup.

 Nite nite!

Let's Try Something New

Grrr, it took me forever to upload this but finally it's up even though it's now going to be broadcast through youtube rather than blogger. Soon the world will know my name....mwahahah, not quite but enjoy a new aspect of my musing.

Video introduction: I almost got hit by a semi truck driving home from work Monday night so I'm still afraid of driving on the highway at night when it's raining and it's been raining quite a bit so this is me at home after trying to do yoga using the video on demand service through my cable provider. 

-DiVA0Ut

The Journey Continues

I successfully completed the summer semester 2 A's and 2 B's funny thing is that the A's where in a subject that I'm normally not great in, science. It was surprising looking at my final posted grades and seeing that I actually did okay. I thought I had given up but subconsciously I couldn't allow myself to fail. To God be the glory on that because this DiVA clocked out midway through the second term. I'm currently on vacation from work and school which I certainly need after letting emotion interfere in the work place. I'm realizing that my anger issues have not disappeared like I tried to make myself and others believe. I mean after three anger management classes I'd like to think I was a bit happier? I guess I'm not fooling myself anymore because just last week a bone fell out of my closet. So, I decided rather than stuffing it back in and leaving it to fall back out I'm going to do something about it. The calmest time in my life was during the 4 years of high school. I believe it was because I was busy with EVERYTHING and I didn't have time to get angry if I did get angry I could go to band practice and kill the formations march the hekk out of the field, spin the flag hard like I was whacking someones head off kick as if I wanted to knock that person or situation into next week or even murder the strings of my violin. I had goals I had to accomplish I had to get out of the hood and show others that this was not all WE could be. I also realized that the anger reemerged once I began slipping backwards well more like getting too comfortable with in the place I'd arrived with the few goals I had accomplished lol! The devil doesn't ever want to see you happy. Counseling helped so I'm considering doing that again but some other things that I've decided to look into are picking up some of my old activities. Yoga and playing my violin primarily. I begin lessons next Thursday the 28th so I'll actually have to do more than take my violin out of it's case and just looking at it or holding it. Yoga will begin in September hopefully once this gym opens up. I've also been attending church services and that feels good, lastly school which is a must if I want to get that MBA before I'm 26 lol, who knows if that all works I may even start dancing on the side. I'm to young to be so serious I can't be everyones shero and I know they don't all expect it of me so I'm praying they're supportive of my quest to be a less angry and stressed out DiVA.

Sisterlocks, natural hair in general has given me a different perspective on how I want to live my life, this year began with a journey to learn how to love myself...I'm still learning how and I'm enjoying every minute of it. Well back to my vacation of romance novels ;)

DiVA 0ut!