Hair

7.15.2009

Daily Motivation

The last few post have been sort of depressing haven't they? Sorry but that's where I am right now, not necessarily depressed but going through these things. Crazy that I'm sharing them online but oh well.

Update: Things got worse! (I fell deeper and harder) LOL but, right now I can actually laugh about it. Monday I hung out with him and his family, and they remind me so much of my own family. So much love, and laughter and teasing! Made me remember that the reason I was drawn to him as my friend is because we're so much a like. Our goals are to do better for our families, and I admire that about him and I'm proud of him. That being said I'm still no booboo the fool and even though I've fallen deeper I know we need a break. The most important thing to me is our friendship and in order to see if any of it can be salvaged I have to let go.

So, that leads to the daily motivations that I send to my friends. I haven't done them in a while being selfish but finaly today I was able to. It's just things that I've heard this past week put into one.
TXT: Learning that one of the beauties of life is that pain never lasts, struggles bring you closer to God, and your problems tremble when you pray. God loves you and so do I!! :)


fin,
CheChe

7.12.2009

I Don't Want It, "Not Anymore"

Yes I do, sad but true. You've all heard the LeToya Luckett song haven't you?

"...I've realized I deserve somebody that'll treat me right...I know my worth so you can keep that drama cause I don't want it any more"


Hmm she should've said I don't need it anymore because though I don't need it, I want HIM. Dang got me shaking my head at myself. SAD! The drama, I could do without though, I really could, and that's what's given me my Chrisette Michelle "Ephiany"

Maintaining a long distance friendship when you believe you've fallen in love with your best friend sucks. It is even worse when this one keeps going back to a dysfunctional relationship in which you always end up putting back the pieces. Then to find out from facebook off all things. Dang you social media! That they're back together. What is a friendships with lies? Where have we come to when it comes to this?

When you've held on to memories of being cuddled in his large muscular arms while laughing at Alvin & the Chipmunks 2 yrs ago in the movie theater to tide you over for next time. But images of him in the arms of another you deem unworthy quickly cause the memory to fade. Hide some of the pain.

The cherry, top it off with the arguement you had via text because you couldn't tell him to his face that he lied and you're not having it; "Not Anymore" and he still couldn't admit to it. Then weeks later an unknown number appears on your missed call log because you erased him from your address book to find that he's in town.

What goes through your mind? What happens when he asks to see you?

Well if you're me you go and pretend to be mad although elated to see the object of many sleepless nights materialized right before me. Though you sit in the car refusing him access and subliminally trying to tell him you know while asking him for the truth. You would end up helplessly wrapped in his arms inhaling his unique sent memorizing the mold of his body to hold you over until next time. If that torture is not enough the glutton you are for punishment you'll kiss him. Your first kiss, officially crossing that line of just friends bittersweet because if you truly love yourself it has to be the last.

Then you would wake up the next morning with his smell all over your body and the pressure from his lips firmly pressed to yours. A phantom kiss...

So, what's next? You arm yourself with "Pretty Wings" and fly to the shower and wash away the memories and pray that "time will bring an end to our trial, one day there'll be no remnants no trace, no residual feelings" - Maxwell

Maybe one day I won't remember... and if "This Isn't Love"-Jennifer Hudson I'll get the answer to what it really is.

Go to church and get wrapped in the arms of the ultimate lover, and brace myself for the face off, admit to him as well as myself the issues. Yet still thinking:
Incompatible, it don't matter though 'cause someone's bound to hear my cry Speak out if you do You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable Is already in my life? Right in front of me Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold Who knows how to love you without being told Somebody tell me why I'm on my own If there's a soulmate for everyone


-Natasha Bedingfield

Then the phone rings, and it's Mr. Wright how ironic? But is he really my Mr. Right, broken hearted doesn't mean I'll settle. But that's another post.

Wish me luck!

CheChe

7.10.2009

Death Of Slave Mentality

Artists if you can even call them that, these days are getting hits with songs titled "the death of auto tune". Lesson learned? Music without substance sales. Okay I'm not saying that Jay- Z's song lacks substance, the general out-put of music today lacks substance. When an artist has to stop making quality music to send out a PSA to the masses we've hit an all time low. This teaches us, the public will soak up anything they are given, and accept it whole hearted as reason.

Knowing how fickle the general public is, why doesn't someone kill the slave mentality plaguing the black community? Race has been a rising issue in the weeks following the death of the world's "King of Pop", Michael Joseph Jackson. Ironic how a man who had us all singing at the tops of our lungs to look at the "Man in the Mirror?", because "You are Not Alone" let's "Beat It", by "Human Nature" "It Doesn't Matter if You're Black or White" just "Heal the World". Is now currently still being ridiculed by the ignorance of most, after death.

The only come back our black leaders can come with is that our psyche has been tarnished by the angst of slavery. Really, are you serious? Listen here, Michael Jackson was a grown behind man, and though many black people do hate their blackness, and it may partly stem from slavery we can not continually blame "the man" for our short comings in the department of self love.

If you've been under a rock lately, you probably have missed the passing of Michael Jackson and the following bashing by Bill O' Reilly on his black iconic status. Leaving you at a lost about my ranting. Yet, I highly doubt event the comatose have missed this.
O' Reilly's argument is that because MJ bleached his skin, and chose to have children that are white, black people shouldn't accept or call him a black/AA icon.


Last I checked O' Reilly was white, so to me his opinion of what I or other black people should do has no merit. It's simple mathematics. MJ's momma and daddy are black, entire family is black, his birth certificate most likely states he is black, and I'll go further to say his death certificate says so as well. This equation equates to this, nothing he ever did to his outer appearance could ever change the fact that he was born and died a BLACK man. White children do not automatically take your black card. Sorry O'Reilly, if so we may have to give Madonna and Angelina a black card for their house full of adopted black children. Saying you have vililago or bleaching your skin, which ever it was that he did, can NOT remove ones blackness. So, even if he tried to run from it he could not.

No matter how often slave masters, put blacks against blacks, for the color of their skin, the texture of their hair, the girth of their hips, the width of their nose. In the end, they still shared commonality. They were and would always be black. Genocides stem from this ignorance, and nothing can easily erase hate let a lone self hate. But when our ancestors, and others fought for our freedom and won. We also gained the responsibility for our actions. If we failed to teach our people that we are beautiful and worthy of love as we are also made in His divine image. Then this can not be blamed on the white man any longer, but the failure is in our teachings.

I just had to get that off my chest, because as a dark skinned, black Haitian-American woman I love all of my blackness, even in the darkness when you can't see me unless I open my eyes and smile! I love the texture of my woolly hair and take pride in my regal nose. One day I'll even embrace my child bearing hips if I ever get some! Michael Jackson is not the first nor will he be the last person on earth to ever change their appearance now that technology and medical advances permit them to do so. When attacked for wearing weaves, and colored contacts,bleaching or tanning, ones skin, the counter argument should not readily be fired back "it's because of slavery". BULL DOOKIE!!! The chains were broken long ago, kill the mentality. It is because we have failed in teaching how to love properly.

I read and heard the news of his passing, and ignored my television, but even after his memorial the ignorance still continues. It's weird how I cried out for joy at hearing the NOT GUILTY verdict but haven't cried tears of mourning for his passing. I think a part of me is elated that he may have found rest in the arms of the Prince of Peace.

We really shouldn't waste our time arguing against fickle people especially with such a weak argument. We are no longer slaves. Point blank, Michael's contributions while living to the global community fit the definition of humanitarian, his music broke molds defining him as an innovator, his music gave inspiration, by definition he is classified iconic, and by birth he is a black man.

Get a better come back!

CheChe

7.08.2009

What up What up What up

Hey there!

I'm sorry I left you all with such a sad post at the top for so long but things have been fast paced these past few months. BUT through it all lessons have been learned, like for one...I don't have to always answer my phone or respond to text. Such a simple lesson but it took a long time to come to terms with. I have two phones, an iPhone & a blackberry, and often my laptop is with me. Although I'm proud to say this week my baby has remained at home! People basically have 24/7 access to me, and I feel obligated to respond at times, that is definitely changing!

How am I doing with the lost of my Gui?
I deal with things by NOT dealing with them, I close myself off to the situation and push myself into something that displaces emotions. It's kind of like drinking away ones sorrows. It's not easy especially as I sat here thinking that today is the John Legend concert that we were texting about the night before he passed, I miss him and feel like I took him for granted while he was here. I don't want to do that with anyone else I love. Yet at the same time my emotions seem to have been sealed off. I still haven't cried over Michael Jackson even after watching such a touching memorial service yesterday. I pushed it to the side, even made jokes just to keep emotions at bay. Example: Yesterday driving home w/ my best friend Ludie listening to "The Way You Make Me Feel" and out the blue I say I'm mad Gui gets to meet Michael Jackson before me!


Oh Lord I miss him...

I'm a work a holic. I'm going to learn how to rest and put me first...soon. I've been told that I need to slow down, although right now I feel like life is too short. I'm trying to make a name for myself, make my mommy, family and friends proud so it's full speed ahead to my objectives.

I'm still in school expecting to graduate May 2010, though for my minor I'll still have 2 classes to take that summer.

I'm interning @ Clear Channel Radio w/ Radio Personality Dj Quest of 105.5 The Beat & @ E. Mason & Associates.
I feel blessed to have an opportunity to work close with these individuals, Quest I've known since high school and has helped with all of my annoying inquiries about the entertainment industry, allowing me to hang out at the radio station after school and giving me insider leads. He ultimately landed me the internship with E. Mason & Associates which handles media relations for artist like Rick Ross and Flo Rida.

In the past few mths, I've been on stage with Maybach Music Artist, writing reviews for events that I never would have dreamed attending, traveling to different states to promote upcoming artist, backstage all access pass to shows of artist that I DVR'd, shopping sprees, to spruce up my wardrobe.

Thinking back on these past few months even with the sad moments, it's all been a beautiful and blessed learning experience. While going full speed ahead, I'm coming into my own as a young adult, it's almost as if I'm meeting myself for the first time and I'm so intrigued. Seeing my future by faith and it's strengthing my soul. I'm going to be all right.


Well I've gone on enough, so I'm going to end this post here, soon I'll update you about my hair 1.5 years as of 2 days ago (so proud that I didn't notice that until I just typed it LOL!), new niece, my clothes, my adventures, love? possibly lol. More on the road to my career and any other interesting tidbits or ramblings I can think of.

I really need to blog more!!

e-kisses

CheChe

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