Yes I do, sad but true. You've all heard the LeToya Luckett song haven't you?
Hmm she should've said I don't need it anymore because though I don't need it, I want HIM. Dang got me shaking my head at myself. SAD! The drama, I could do without though, I really could, and that's what's given me my Chrisette Michelle "Ephiany"
Maintaining a long distance friendship when you believe you've fallen in love with your best friend sucks. It is even worse when this one keeps going back to a dysfunctional relationship in which you always end up putting back the pieces. Then to find out from facebook off all things. Dang you social media! That they're back together. What is a friendships with lies? Where have we come to when it comes to this?
When you've held on to memories of being cuddled in his large muscular arms while laughing at Alvin & the Chipmunks 2 yrs ago in the movie theater to tide you over for next time. But images of him in the arms of another you deem unworthy quickly cause the memory to fade. Hide some of the pain.
The cherry, top it off with the arguement you had via text because you couldn't tell him to his face that he lied and you're not having it; "Not Anymore" and he still couldn't admit to it. Then weeks later an unknown number appears on your missed call log because you erased him from your address book to find that he's in town.
What goes through your mind? What happens when he asks to see you?
Well if you're me you go and pretend to be mad although elated to see the object of many sleepless nights materialized right before me. Though you sit in the car refusing him access and subliminally trying to tell him you know while asking him for the truth. You would end up helplessly wrapped in his arms inhaling his unique sent memorizing the mold of his body to hold you over until next time. If that torture is not enough the glutton you are for punishment you'll kiss him. Your first kiss, officially crossing that line of just friends bittersweet because if you truly love yourself it has to be the last.
Then you would wake up the next morning with his smell all over your body and the pressure from his lips firmly pressed to yours. A phantom kiss...
So, what's next? You arm yourself with "Pretty Wings" and fly to the shower and wash away the memories and pray that "time will bring an end to our trial, one day there'll be no remnants no trace, no residual feelings" - Maxwell
Maybe one day I won't remember... and if "This Isn't Love"-Jennifer Hudson I'll get the answer to what it really is.
Go to church and get wrapped in the arms of the ultimate lover, and brace myself for the face off, admit to him as well as myself the issues. Yet still thinking:
Wish me luck!
♥ CheChe
"...I've realized I deserve somebody that'll treat me right...I know my worth so you can keep that drama cause I don't want it any more"
Hmm she should've said I don't need it anymore because though I don't need it, I want HIM. Dang got me shaking my head at myself. SAD! The drama, I could do without though, I really could, and that's what's given me my Chrisette Michelle "Ephiany"
Maintaining a long distance friendship when you believe you've fallen in love with your best friend sucks. It is even worse when this one keeps going back to a dysfunctional relationship in which you always end up putting back the pieces. Then to find out from facebook off all things. Dang you social media! That they're back together. What is a friendships with lies? Where have we come to when it comes to this?
When you've held on to memories of being cuddled in his large muscular arms while laughing at Alvin & the Chipmunks 2 yrs ago in the movie theater to tide you over for next time. But images of him in the arms of another you deem unworthy quickly cause the memory to fade. Hide some of the pain.
The cherry, top it off with the arguement you had via text because you couldn't tell him to his face that he lied and you're not having it; "Not Anymore" and he still couldn't admit to it. Then weeks later an unknown number appears on your missed call log because you erased him from your address book to find that he's in town.
What goes through your mind? What happens when he asks to see you?
Well if you're me you go and pretend to be mad although elated to see the object of many sleepless nights materialized right before me. Though you sit in the car refusing him access and subliminally trying to tell him you know while asking him for the truth. You would end up helplessly wrapped in his arms inhaling his unique sent memorizing the mold of his body to hold you over until next time. If that torture is not enough the glutton you are for punishment you'll kiss him. Your first kiss, officially crossing that line of just friends bittersweet because if you truly love yourself it has to be the last.
Then you would wake up the next morning with his smell all over your body and the pressure from his lips firmly pressed to yours. A phantom kiss...
So, what's next? You arm yourself with "Pretty Wings" and fly to the shower and wash away the memories and pray that "time will bring an end to our trial, one day there'll be no remnants no trace, no residual feelings" - Maxwell
Maybe one day I won't remember... and if "This Isn't Love"-Jennifer Hudson I'll get the answer to what it really is.
Go to church and get wrapped in the arms of the ultimate lover, and brace myself for the face off, admit to him as well as myself the issues. Yet still thinking:
Incompatible, it don't matter though 'cause someone's bound to hear my cry Speak out if you do You're not easy to findThen the phone rings, and it's Mr. Wright how ironic? But is he really my Mr. Right, broken hearted doesn't mean I'll settle. But that's another post.
Is it possible Mr. Loveable Is already in my life? Right in front of me Or maybe you're in disguise
Who doesn't long for someone to hold Who knows how to love you without being told Somebody tell me why I'm on my own If there's a soulmate for everyone
-Natasha Bedingfield
Wish me luck!
♥ CheChe
3 comments:
D,
That post hit very close to home. We have all been down that road before. Relationships aren't easy but what I always had to tell myself was that my "friend" only did what I allowed him to do and until I MADE THE DECISION that I wasn't going to accept it anymore, he was going to continue to give me what I accepted. When you truly get tired of all of the ups and downs, you will get off of the roller coaster and begin to heal. I used to say that I wouldn't settle either so even though I have not settled, I have lowered my expectations/standards somewhat. I find that it's unfair to place high expectations or my standards on people who have no chance in hell of ever meeting them. I'm anal and somewhat of a perfectionist. Bottom line is that you have to ask yourself what you are getting out of the relationship (any relationship) and if it is not beneficial to you; not unfairly but at least equally beneficial- you may want to consider walking away - as hard as it may be. Or you have to ask yourself if the good outweighs the bad and if you can live with those things that bother you. Do not stay in a relationship thinking that someone is going to change or that you can change them. What you see is what you get - and if you watch very carefully, you will see it all. Sorry for the lecture, if it seemed that way but I've been down that road and felt I should step in with a little of Nihu's Knowledge....LOL As I have said before, you are way ahead of the game...very mature for your age. I truly didn't "get it" until much older in life. Be Blessed and take care of yourself.
Nihu, I appreciate it, I never take it as you preaching. You're so right they're only allowed to do what we let them, which is why I'm so pissed at myself. I let this happen, even though I knew the consequences and knew that my minds opinion differed from the opinion of my heart. I guess the messed up part about the entire situation is that I feel that now I've lost a friend. Screw all the other stuff but because I didn't control my feelings I got into this predicament which changed the climate of our friendship and endangered it. Yet I'm also glad to learn something new about him, he lied point blank and I can't take the blame for that. Forgiving the lie will take sometime but the good do out weigh the bad and hopefully one day we'll be friends again. But right now for my sanity I have to push it all aside.
Thank you :)
Hey D,
Don't beat yourself up about it. Trust me, if he is a true friend, "this too shall pass" and he will be back in your life but when he comes back you need to be strong enough to withstand and/or fight your emotionally feelings for him until such time you feel you can trust him 100%. When the heart gets involved, relationships can be devastating, especially if they go bad. I can understand how you feel and it's good to know that you have the sense (at your young age)to know that right now you need some time and space. If you let him off the hook too soon he will think that it's "ok" to lie to you. Hold him accountable for his actions. My motto is if you lie you will cheat and it's never ok to do either to me. Honey I could write 100 books on relationships and all the madness that goes along with them but the important thing, Diva, is that you learn from your experiences. My new motto for life is "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, without change, expecting a different result". Pretty much that's what I was doing. That's what I did in both marriages....forgiving, forgetting and going through the bull shit again.....there was no accountability. However, when I married the second time I told my future husband EVERYTHING that I would not tolerate in a marriage (based off of my previous marriage) they were things like lying, cheating and deceitfulness. Long story short he was all of those things....we married in June 04, I put him out in February 05 and we were divorced. I have not looked back. People say that I was harsh. I don't think so. Particularly since I told him, up front, all of those things that I would not tolerate. Guess what? We're able to communicate again. Do I trust him? Hell no! But he is not important enough for me to care and I check him on anything that sounds like bull shit. He has learned to be silent with the bullshit when he is speaking to me.
Keep your head up Girlfriend. When it's time to move on, trust me, you will know. Give your heart time to heal and learn to protect it from people who will prey on your vulnerabilities.
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