Grrrr....

Yes I'm growling, it's 7:36 am and I'm tired. Which isn't normal because I normally wake up at 5:30am. I think I need to get checked out by a doctor this fatigue is bring me down. Update: I got a B on my test, and I'm only just a bit depressed about it after the professor reminded us he drops the lowest grade. Yeah I know people say I should be happy with a B but I just can't be at this point in my life. I've been trying to get back into school for 3 semesters...I went through so much to get back in. (financially, emotionally, mentally, physically) It was a struggle, and now that I've made it back in I have to prove to myself that I can still set goals and achieve them. My goal is a 4.0 for this semester point blank. Nussance like a B here and there throws off that flow. What else is new? Nothing really... my locks are still bringing sexy back lol, they've shrunk to my scalp and I keep fighting the urge to wet them. I'm going to wait until I speak to my consultant. I'm investing in a laptop, I really need one my desktop is on ther verge of crashing once again. I refuse to put more money into this windows operating unit, I'm joing the mac world. Still doing my research before I go and drop two grand in front of the mac genius. I am not big ballin' like that. pictures of my lock friends..."Smoove" and "Omega". Omega had his locks palm rolled sometime last year and they've just grown guys have the ability to grow hair so freaking fast! Smoove has been growing his locks for I believe 4 years I need to double check. Smoove always has his styled and I love it even though some women think it's not sexy, a man that is well groomed is always sexy to me! Omega just let's his locks freestyle. My mother is afraid that I'm going to fall in love with a locked brother. She really doesn't accept it on men even though I've shown her that not all dreaded men are 'vagabon' my sister was telling me that she was stressed at the idea. You would think she'd be used to it, one of my best male buddies is locked. But then again he might not be a good example for her seeing as he grew up before her eyes and has done some regretful things that give her stereotypes bases. But even she admits that he's a wonderful person respectful of his elders and just needs a little prayer. LOL that doesn't change her mind about who I should find attractive. Eh oh well, dark skinned, light skin, long hear, bald, shaved head who's to say who I'll ultimately choose. She'll get over it!

Carimi

Last night was awesome! Today's my cousin's birthday so last night we all went to see a Haitian band by the name of Carimi. They are my favorite at the moment and I've seen them a total of 3x, twice in Miami my home city (woot woot) and once in New York. I've also fed members of their group, during the Haitian Flag festival in 2006! Yes that was tres exciting definitely had fun during that volunteer experience. My night was almost ruined before the concert because I got pulled over and the officer gave me a ticket for my registration. Now, I've always been under the impression that you have until the end of your birth month to renew your tag and even then there is a grace period. Guess this cop didn't know what I knew. It ruined part of my night because I wasn't able to get to the gallery opening at my school, and I still hadn't found something to wear. I ended up getting shirt dress from Express and skinny jeans from Wetseal, and I wore the shoes and accessories my sister gifted me on my birthday. Then I had to find the event promoter so that I could get tickets. So, I basically went home stuffed a chicken leg down my throat and got ready to head out. Our family had a section reserved so we didn't have to worry about people stepping on shoes or groping on in places they shouldn't be, but you know you always get those people that can't read the reserved signs. That's where the men in our family came in. A fight did break (my family wasn't involved) out but we were out of harms reach.At times I couldn't even dance to the music because the area was crowded but it was okay because I was close enough to the stage where I could vibe and just watch the performance. At the end of the night we got my cousin the pictures she wanted to take with one of the group members Richard Cave my favorite as well! Not just because he held my hand while singing "Mamacita" during the show in New York lol (beautiful dreamy eyes!) but because he is a beautiful, educated, & talented Haitian male so they do exist! I got a picture with him and Mikael Guirand. Beautiful Haitian men that they are, my braces have ‘gots’ to go in the in the pictures though! I can't smile with these fences; I haven't taken a good picture since having them placed. I need to do what Tyra tells the girls on ANTM, practice in the mirror. It was a wonderful night and I'm glad that I've finally had a chance to have fun in this miserable town that I live in. My friends in Miami are saying that I should drive down tonight and see them again! I would if it was in the budget; here events have to end by 2 am. In Miami I wouldn't have gotten home until 7am, and the variety of people would have been different. People here are so blah!! I miss Miami. I’ll get to see them as well as other Haitian artist during the 10Th Annual Haitian Flag Day Celebration in Miami. Oh that's going to be an amazing time! Hopefully I'll also take the Kompa Cruise during the summer. My hair looked awesome last night, but I don't know if what I'm doing is actually good for them. I spritz them with water to make them lay the way I want? Is it too early to just wet them without braid and banding? I'm not rubbing or washing them just an occasional spritz of water and okay okay I might quickly let the shower spray my head not everyday just once in a while. So, please feel free to share with me your opinion on my methods of managing my locks. It would be greatly appreciated. DiVA 0ut!

No Prettiful Me Today

Yes today is definitely a sweat pants pajama bottom day! I have 45 minutes to get dressed and out the door for school. Suckish! I had to take another stab at this math test. I got a higher B "Grrr" on my math test. Now, I need to get an A on the in class test today in order to be all right or else I'll be in a sour mood for days if I average a B.

So, if my math professor rounds my grade to 85 on the math test and I score 100 on all my math assignments previous to the tests and he applies it to a 25 point scale where 25=100 because 100/4 =25 and so on. I have a 25 and a 22 thus far. The in class test is out of 100 points so the highest one can score is 150pts for this section. What do I need on my in class test in order to get an A average overall?

Example: 25+25+90=140

(I got an A the first test)

140/150=93%

My set up is: 22+25+x= an A avg

Hopefully I set that up right! LOL time to get dressed for school!

Realization

Have you ever been in denial about something so long and numerous people have brought it to your attention then one day a conversation leads to self reflecting and you begin to realize that there is some truth behind what these people have been saying? Well that happened to me yesterday, after having a conversation with a friend a few hours later I replayed the conversation in my mind and I realized that I was trying to defend why am I am the way I am, but the way I was doing it left certain things unanswered, I was refusing to be honest with myself. Not to say that I find a problem with the way I am but I just need to admit to myself that I am afraid, I'm afraid of relationships because I'm afraid to be vulnerable, afraid of depending on others, afraid of people leaving/wasting time, afraid of getting hurt not only because of the relationships of others that I've seen but also because of my own experiences. Which were not relationships per say but they still had a lasting impact on the way that I treat the opposite sex. So, yes I do have a barrier up. Does this mean I'm going to let it down, no that would be dumb I need to protect myself but maybe I'll build a trap door somewhere, and if it's meant to happen it will happen. I'm in no rush...I'm only 21. I'll continue to be me and if it happens to turn you off from me so be it, it wasn't meant to happen. I'm a strong black phenomenal Haitian woman, any man would be blessed to have me just I would be blessed to have him. In other news!! I got dressed up for class yesterday I wasn't as pressed for time as I thought I'd be. (My journalism class ended up being cancelled!) Nothing special just not the sweats that I had in mind while writing the blog yesterday. I wrote in a previous blog that I knew a guy with locks who had the same consultant as me, I snagged a couple pictures yesterday on the way to my Humanites class. Yeah guess I wasn't too pressed for time lol! Any who here are the pictures of our mini photoshoot. Isn't he prettiful! Lol Even though he makes fun of the way I speak with my braces and thinks I'm evil (long story). I think he's cool people and I absolutely love his locks. My hands always gravitate to his head and they smell like an orange! Hopefully I can add pictures of my other locked and natural friends.

Test & School Work

I need to stop procrastinating when it comes to my school work. I'm upset right now that I scored a B on my math test but it's my own fault because I skipped one class and I waited until last minute to do the assignments. I chose to work and go to school full time so I need to live up to the task. I was up until 1am last night trying to get all my homework done in order to take this online test. I'm still sleepy and I don't understand most of it. Now, I have to find something to wear to school and I still need to read Jean-Paul Sartre 'Existentialism and Human Emotions' by 11 am for discussion in my Humanities class, and it doesn't end there because I have to read 'Sources and Online Research' for my 3:30 pm Journalism class, atleast I completed the writing assignment for that class. Guess I'll be staying after to get tutoring so that I can retake this test. That means I'm going to be dressed like a bum for class today because I need to read all this crap before 11am, no time to get prettified. Get on the BALL!

2nd Wash

I gave it another go, this time bundling them smaller and folding under twice like my consultant said I should do. I was very careful not to pull my ends this time because she said they looked like they had been. I love the feel of water on my scalp but I hate washing my own hair, but I couldn't wait my hair was dirty, like my scalp was flaky, but it wasn't a dry flaky well it sorta was. Oh well the ends still look spiral curly so I'm hoping I did good. We'll see when I go in on the 8th for my 2nd retightening! (Braid and Bundle) Didn't have the digital camera so I had to use my camera phone on the braid and bundle pictures they're a little blurry.

This has to be cut short because I'm at work!

-DiVA 0UT

( After wash at work)

It's My Birthday!!!

Well it was my birthday February 16th, at 12:01 am (official birth time) I turned 21. The night before some of my family, friends, and co-workers joined me for dinner at PF Changs a Chinese "bistro" that serves gourmet Chinese food. I'm thankful for everyone that came to spend time with me. I think we had about 25+ people which are a lot when a handful had to cancel last minute. Everyone seemed to have a good time, I wish I could have made it a little more intimate with a large group of people usually everyone branches out into groups. Which I know can be awkward since everyone didn't know everyone. SORRY guys it was my first time, Lord willing I'll make sure that everyone can mingle a little more. Not only did we have dinner at PF Changs that night but I came to work and found signs everywhere announcing that I was the birthday girl. I love the one that said, "Wish me a happy birthday or buy me things!" Lol that was tres cute. "The Dayna" made me a red velvet cake which was awesome and I left it at work for others to enjoy but I ended up stopping by work to pick it up. I devoured the rest of my castle cake alone. She also gifted to me a beautiful pair of black earrings which I wore to dinner. The woman has taste. I was excited that my sister came to dinner because we had an argument a week before and she didn't like me very much. Everything has been patched over and healed since and we're back to being best friends I love the gifts that she got me even though just her being there was enough. My sister hooked it up two pair of shoes, belts, accessories, AND a black rose. I am obsessed with black roses, I'm always telling everyone that I don't like flowers and the only flower that would make my heart go pitter patter is a black rose. There isn't really such a thing in actuality the black rose is just a blood red rose, but I'm always saying I want a black rose. I've said it a gazillion times if a man gets me a black rose I just might have to marry him. lol If I ever get married my wedding is going to all white with black and blood red flowers. People think I'm gothic which is not the case I just love the shade black it's beautiful. It makes me happy, I'm happier in darkness then in the light. Okay, I'm getting off subject but I love the rose. It's sitting in a vase by my bed and waking up to in the morning brings me much joy. I also received a gift card to Victoria's Secret; yeah I'm looking forward to shopping there! I only get lotions and body sprays from there but I think I might get a bra or something. My mother gave me my first pair of Victoria Secret underwear when I turned 13 they were nice but Vickie's Secret is to expensive for me Fredrick’s was my preference, it cost less but now that it's not my money buying them I'm definitely going to pick up a pair or two! lol (I'm a college student I'm on a budget!!) Hmm what else did I get? Oh I got perfume JLo 'Love At First Glow' my 18th birthday my friend got me the first one that she came out with, growing up with really bad asthma perfumes and things were kept to a limit and it used to give me headaches. I still wore it though, it was a gift. I was scared to wear this one in the back of my mind I'm thinking I'm going to have a major headache but it actually smells great on me! I'm wearing it now; I actually chose it over Escada, and Dolce. (Hint Hint if you ever want to get me a gift lol).

Okay let's skip a couple of details.

I headed to Miami for my birthday my home city!! Too broke for Disney but hopefully I'll get a chance to see Mickey in March/ April. It was a quick trip because I wasn't feeling it, got in town called friends and you know they all wanted to head to South Beach and get me drunk. Not happening. I just went to one of my old jobs, had my taxes filed, visited family then got right back on the interstate and headed home. Guess for American standards I had a lame birthday because I didn't wake up to a hang over, but I liked it. Even though my best friends are living out of state and couldn't be here to uphold tradition (brownies, and red velvet cake with one; the other cake fighting lol) I feel blessed to have made it 21 years, not many young people get to see the day. Happy 21st Birthday To ME!!!!

Braces & Locks

Ahhh I'm a brace face!! I had my braces installed on Tuesday and these suckers hurt! I have to remind myself that soon I'll have straight teeth to match my beautiful locks everytime I think about ripping them off. I went grocery shopping with my sister and I piled up on jello, applesause, pudding, oatmeal, and mashed potatoes. I love to eat so the pain is killing me! My pre-birthday dinner is on Friday so I hope these suckers don't hurt so that I can eat. Ohhhh but guess what?!?! Guys like the brace face look even if they have noodles hanging in between them, lol while at work trying to slurp noddles I had to run to the nearest dollar store and pick up some tooth paste because these fences catch everything! I walked in and immediately noticed a beautiful locked brother ain't that bought nothing! When I have food stuck in my teeth is when I see a cutie. Well when I got in line I noticed he wasn't all that or maybe it was a defense because I had ramen noodles in my teeth but then I also recognized him from high school. He was a senior when I was a freshman and back in those days he didn't have locks nor the beard, he had tatoo's as well now which I didn't really like but to each their own. Back to the story, brother man was checking me out as I tightly held my lips together so as not to reveal the streamers on my teeth. LOL! He didn't say anything to anyone else but there total and hand them their bags but he made sure to say hello and ask me how I was doing forcing me to speak, guess he didn't catch a glimpse of the noodles because he continued to smile at me while giving me my change. He probably didn't recognize me I mean I was unbeweavable in high school and an underclassman. Eh oh well he was digging the locks, the braces and me -two snaps-! He's not the only one either people are stopping me left and right to compliment my tiny braids/twist. Yeah people here aren't as hip to sisterlocks so I have to let them know no they're not braids/twist get it right. Now, when I smile they're like your braces suit you, not that I'm looking for a man but it's good to know my braces aren't repelling them. Collage of my grill and my locks, they look a little dry my scalp needs a wash but I'm afraid!! I need to make that drive to the salon or maybe I'll just wait until my next retightening and have them washed then. I don't want to mess around and mess up a good thing! Count down to my 21st!! 2 more days yay!

Humanities Essay- Love, Truth and Beauty

This is the essay I spoke about in my last post, I got an A! Yay so I thought I'd post it up since it's kind of my "hair story" tell me what you think. Essay One: Truth, Beauty, and Love A new recognition of African American beauty, after generations have coveted white America , never seeing the distortion behind our views, is what I’ve gained after reading Toni Morrison’s The Bluest Eye. The novel was written during the years of some of the most dynamic and confused transformations of African-American life and now, as I go through one of the most dynamic and confused transformations of my life the journey from childhood to adulthood I begin to argue for a new standard of beauty for myself, hoping to break this vicious cycle for those that come after. For most of my life I have been guilty of distorted concepts of beauty. This work has been influential not only in my life as a young Haitian woman growing up in America but also in the life of other people of color. Helping us to accept our natural beauty and, realize the difference between our superficial sight and true insight allowing us to see and love our natural selves. Growing up I learned to find the negatives with my appearance before I could find a positive. Not because there was not a positive to find but because I was allowing my mind to be oppressed like the minds of those before me. Though in some ways I have grown out of it in my quest for truth and self love, some of my views are still tarnished because the answer to the question; what is true beauty for women of color has been lost, lost through generations of misguided views. The protagonist of Morrison’s novel Peacola Breedlove a young black girl living in the 1940’s idealizes whiteness. It is her standard of beauty to have blue eyes. She believes that this beauty brings peace. The first time I read this book I decided to do research on the time setting. I came to find that many of the advertisements for beauty products in this time period were pale white women with blue eyes and blonde hair. Much like many of the advertisements that we find today, so it isn’t hard to see why people would believe one color was better than the other. If they were equal they would have both received the same publicity. Through my research I also came to find that American’s were not the only ones that had this standard of beauty during this period of time. The Aryans also known as Nazi’s had the same ideal, blonde hair and blue eyes were superior they believed that this was the true standard of beauty and anyone that was different did not merit the same treatment as the superior race. While the Nazi’s used violence to have a society that was beautiful by their standards the American people used the media and continue to do so today. It is these internalized white beauty standards that have deformed the lives of black girls and women, the implicit message that white is superior then and is still prevalent now. The character that influenced me the most was Claudia, one of the narrators in the novel. Through her telling of the story one can surmise that she knows something was wrong with this ideal. She didn’t like the dolls she received for Christmas as they didn’t look like her, they were white. “From the chuckling sounds of adults I knew that the doll represented what they thought was my fondest wish…. What was I supposed to do with it? Pretend I was its mother?”(pg 20). She had no desire to love this doll, she did what I often did with my dolls take them apart. I used to think I was just a tomboy but after reading the novel I began to wonder if I had been doing the same thing Claudia was doing. Trying to find out “…of what it was made to discover the dearness, to find the beauty, the desirability that had escaped me,”( pg 20). “Adults, older girls, shops, magazines, newspapers, window sign - all the world had agreed that a blue-eyed, yellow-haired, pink-skinned doll was what every girl child treasured. 'Here,' they said, 'this is beautiful, and if you are on this day "worthy" you may have it'" (pg 20-21). This is not where her curiosity of white superiority stops; she also had a disliking for Shirley Temple. Peacola and her sister loved Shirley Temple and thought that she was “cute” she “couldn’t join them in their adoration because” she “hated Shirley” (pg 19). She goes into something deeper in the next few lines, explaining that she didn’t hate Shirley because she was cute but rather because she dance with Bojangles, a pioneer and pre-eminent African American tap dancer/performer; “who was my friend, my uncle, my daddy, and who ought to have been soft-shoeing it and chuckling with me” (pg 19 I). understood her so well, and questioned how she was the youngest yet possessed more knowledge of truth, beauty and self love than all the others. It saddened me when she too conformed because it reminds me of my own experience. “I learned much later to worship her…even as I learned that the change was adjustment without improvement” (pg 23). I believe that Morrison wrote this line offering the reader some hope that because Claudia knows her new belief is not fully right one day she’ll seek her own truth again. My own Claudia experience began at the age of six. My mother decided it would be best to relax my hair, she had her hair relaxed my older siblings had their hair relaxed, every black person I knew personally or on TV had their hair straightened. I was told that it would be easier to maintain because my natural God given texture was too ‘nappy’ to uphold, and that I would love my new long ‘pretty’ hair. I cried that day while getting my hair relaxed because I would no longer be able to put my hair in puffed out pony tails, I wouldn’t be able to wet my hair in the shower or run in the rain. I couldn’t run and play with my friends for fear of sweating out the perm. These were the rules I had to follow with my new hair. Yet I couldn’t understand why if this was so easy did I have to give up the things that made me happy, who said it was easy and who did they deem it easy for? Those questions soon disappeared. Having my hair relaxed became the norm. I even forgot what my natural hair texture was. Soon the relaxed hair wasn’t enough for me. While playing house I would often place a towel over my head to exaggerate the length of my hair. Why? Because all the older women I knew had long hair and that meant that longer hair came with age, it is what made one woman. I was excited to get my first extensions I would be beautiful now, I could swing ‘my’ long hair around and let it blow freely in the wind. It got to the point where I would not allow anyone to see me without my extensions in, because I didn’t see myself as beautiful without them, even if you told me otherwise I would not believe you, my true beauty lied in having the long hair. Peacola had a similar issue, she didn’t see herself as beautiful without her blue eyes, and without her blue eyes her life would never be perfect. "Long hours she sat looking in the mirror, trying to discover the secret of the ugliness, the ugliness that made her ignored or despised at school, by teachers and classmates alike"(pg. 45). In the beginning of the novel, Morrison begins with the story of Dick and Jane, the idealized middle class white family. Though we are never told that the family is white, it is what we assume. This is the life that Peacola wanted, the perfect family. Morrison is repetitive in the narrations of Dick and Jane, first writing it without errors then progressing to a block of what looks like scrambled letters, just hectic, it correlates with the ending of the book paralleling how hectic Peacola’s life has become due to her distorted views. I suppose that Morrison wanted the reader to see that there is no perfect family, there is no perfect life. Although we cannot see it this way because of the impact of the social constructions of truth, beauty and self love that has been placed on us not only by others but by ourselves. Despite the fact that I have never wanted blue eyes, I can admit that after reading this book I could now catch myself wondering how life would be different if not better if I were a another race. My parents are immigrants, neither having the equivalent of a high school diploma. But what if we were white and living in America was our right, would life be better or different? As I would find myself doing this I would evaluate the mentality behind these views, many of them were based without merit. Others were based on what I had been taught; life was not easy for me because I was black. Not only black but dark black with kinky hair, full-size lips, a proud nose, high cheekbones, and born the child of Haitian immigrants, the worse kind of black. Most women of color have been taught in some way that lighter skin, lighter hair and lighter eyes are better. Just as the girls in the novel believe that Maureen Peale the new girl at school is beautiful despite her protruding canine teeth, she is beautiful because of her fair skin, light eyes, long hair and clean clothes. She is accepted by both black and white kids. Her quick friendship to Peacola almost makes Peacola’s life seem perfect. Until she brings her back to reality with her harsh words, "'I am cute! And you ugly! Black and ugly black e mos. I am cute!'" (pg. 73) It is what we see on TV, what we see in our daily lives, how can we not see it as truth? Many of the black prominent figures that we see on the television have altered their appearance to conform yet younger girls aspire to be what they see, the superficial. As a communications major I can not count the number of times that I have heard about the way cameras pick up color, it’s as if they are subliminally stating that it is better to avoid putting dark things upfront because it is harder to light and less pleasing to the eye. Which now that I pay attention to the people on TV, I begin to realize that even though it’s not 1940 anymore they still do not look like me. The media distorts every concept of race and natural beauty; the truth that they should portray is that there is beauty in each race, white though beautiful in its own right is NOT the ideal. If we continue down this path we will commit a non-violent genocide of race. We’re moving towards all looking the same, rather than loving our differences. Peacola’s desire for blue eyes, while exceedingly out of reach, is based on one correct imminent theme in her world. Everything negative she’s experienced is connected to the way she is seen by others. If she had beautiful blue eyes, she sees in your mind's eye, people wouldn’t treat her the way she is treated, and her parents wouldn’t argue in front of her, she would be loved. She would have the perfect Dick and Jane lifestyle. The exactness of this insight is confirmed by her experience of being teased by the boys Frieda and Claudia come to her defense but it isn’t until Maureen comes to the rescue that the boys actually cease their teasing. “Maureen appeared…and the boys seemed reluctant to continue under her springtime eyes so wide with interest. They buckled in confusion, not willing to beat up three girls under her watchful gaze” (pg. 66-67). It is also true that she is mistreated because she happens to have black skin, there is merit behind that analysis she wants to see things differently just as much as she wants to be seen differently. She is on a journey to find her truth just as Claudia was on a quest for her truth in the beginning. The difference is that Claudia’s quest was to find out why no one believed black is beautiful while Peacola’s mission is to find what is beautiful if black is not. Both girls find their truth, love and beauty; however Peacola’s truth destroys her. Her delusion causes her madness and results in her alienation from other black girls; she no longer has the ability to see herself and the world around her accurately. On page 190 of the novel Claudia states: "I thought about the baby that everyone wanted dead, and saw it very clearly. It was in a dark, wet place, its head covered with O's of wool, the black face holding, like nickels, two clean black eyes, the flared nose, kissing-thick lips, and the living, breathing silk of black skin. No synthetic yellow bangs suspended over marble-blue eyes, no pinched nose and bowline mouth. More strongly than my fondness for Peacola, I felt a need for someone to want the black baby to live - just to counteract the universal love of white baby dolls, Shirley Temples, and Maureen Peals." We are all on a quest for truth, beauty and love I am no longer that six year old girl that could not see the beauty in relaxed hair which hindered my freedom. Yet I am no longer that girl that hides behind long hair. The transition to loving myself for the same features I had been taught made me less than, different even has been a slow process. While finding truth and letting my hair return to its natural state of beauty at times I still hid behind the insecurities that I’d been taught. Now, fully natural I wear my crown of wool proudly rejoicing in the beauty that my ancestors lost sight of.

Works Cited Morrison, Toni. The Bluest Eye. New York : Alfred A. Knopf, 2000. Haskins, James; Mitgang, N. R, Mr. Bojangles: the biography of Bill Robinson (New York: William Morrow, 1988)

This isn't my final draft; that was saved on another PC so there might be a couple errors!

First Retightening

It's been a while since my last blog post. School and work full-time is harder than I thought it would be, but this is what I wanted and this is what I'll do. I had my hair retightened for the first time after three weeks Feb. 2, it was pretty fast I went in at 8am and I was leaving at 11:30am. My consultant says I had a lot of new growth and that she's going to experiment with the length between retightenings. I go back March 8th. I think I'm already seeing growth and I find myself looking foward to the length of my locks by summertime. Yesterday made my locks officially one month old I didn't buy anything for them yet maybe after school today I'll stop by and get rubberbands so that I can wash them. I'm really afraid to wash them now because my consultant asked me if I was braiding and banding correctly, I guess I did a no no and pulled some of my ends. She says I should bundle them smaller and fold under twice. I wanted to tell her how about you wash my hair for the first year. That's unrealistic for my pockets right now. I cancelled my birthday plans because my pockets are not looking thick enough! I decided to take a trip to disney world but it's not going to happen well at least not this month. I'll be 21 in 9 days and I'm no longer excited. The night before I'll have dinner with friends at PF Changs hopefully I can eat because I'll be having my braces put on 4 days before. I can barely eat with the spacers they placed on 3days ago. Then I'll most likely read all day long for my birthday. It's not exciting but it's cost effective. School: I'm actually doing well, I've gotten A's on my first two math test, I just completed a paper for my humanites class, topic of which was love, beauty, and truth. We were to choose a specific work of art that has influenced us the most in relation to those three things. I chose Toni Morrison's The Bluest Eye. I want to post it up but it's REALLY long. She asked for 1-2 pages minimum and I turned in 7 plus pictures! Zaythegr3at says she'll think I'm an over achiever oh well, that's how I role. lol My journalism class is the only class that's kicking my but right now, I'm not sure if it's the style of teaching or if I'm just not getting it. I'm going to schedule an appt with my professor and I've since found a tutor. Oh and creative writing is fun, I'm writing a novel, maybe I'll post that up too! Financial aid refunds went out last week and my pockets did not recieve anything! I need to figure out how to amend my taxes from 06 because my financial aid refund is being delayed because of it, and I need that money to pay my old university to get my transcripts. If not I'll be stuck in limbo when it comes to transfering this coming fall. In other news: I have an adopted cat, it's my neighbors cat but they don't feed him and my family has a soft heart so we feed him. I can't even tell this cat no I'll be running late to work and he purrs at me like 'please my belly is aching' and I run back inside to give him something to eat. I need to get him a bowl because putting food on the grass in a trash bag is so tacky, but he doesn't complain. I'm actually thawing wild salmon fillets so that I can grill and feed him today. This ghetto cat is eating in style. It's gotten to the point where my sister reminds me that 'kitty' that's what we call him hasn't eaten yet today. So, seeing that I have to cook for kitty and get this assignment done for class today I'll end this post here. -DiVA Out