Realization

Have you ever been in denial about something so long and numerous people have brought it to your attention then one day a conversation leads to self reflecting and you begin to realize that there is some truth behind what these people have been saying? Well that happened to me yesterday, after having a conversation with a friend a few hours later I replayed the conversation in my mind and I realized that I was trying to defend why am I am the way I am, but the way I was doing it left certain things unanswered, I was refusing to be honest with myself. Not to say that I find a problem with the way I am but I just need to admit to myself that I am afraid, I'm afraid of relationships because I'm afraid to be vulnerable, afraid of depending on others, afraid of people leaving/wasting time, afraid of getting hurt not only because of the relationships of others that I've seen but also because of my own experiences. Which were not relationships per say but they still had a lasting impact on the way that I treat the opposite sex. So, yes I do have a barrier up. Does this mean I'm going to let it down, no that would be dumb I need to protect myself but maybe I'll build a trap door somewhere, and if it's meant to happen it will happen. I'm in no rush...I'm only 21. I'll continue to be me and if it happens to turn you off from me so be it, it wasn't meant to happen. I'm a strong black phenomenal Haitian woman, any man would be blessed to have me just I would be blessed to have him. In other news!! I got dressed up for class yesterday I wasn't as pressed for time as I thought I'd be. (My journalism class ended up being cancelled!) Nothing special just not the sweats that I had in mind while writing the blog yesterday. I wrote in a previous blog that I knew a guy with locks who had the same consultant as me, I snagged a couple pictures yesterday on the way to my Humanites class. Yeah guess I wasn't too pressed for time lol! Any who here are the pictures of our mini photoshoot. Isn't he prettiful! Lol Even though he makes fun of the way I speak with my braces and thinks I'm evil (long story). I think he's cool people and I absolutely love his locks. My hands always gravitate to his head and they smell like an orange! Hopefully I can add pictures of my other locked and natural friends.