7th Retightening

This is two days late it's long YouTube rejected the first for being too long so there are two parts. LOL this video is about a boy well partially, and my locks of course. My locks are 9mths old in this video and this is after my seventh re tightening. Music: Ne-Yo; She Got Her Own (Video 1) Rihanna; Sell Me Candy (Video2)

"Insert Title Here"

YouTube took forever to upload this video, this was actually supposed to be posted last night 10/19/2008.

So, My Brother Almost Died!

The original thought for my post tonight was about me not taking down the lockhawk. But, my sister and I just came back from picking up my brother. Everyday he goes to this house where a bunch of guys play dominoes for money. Haitian men with nothing to do. I'm always asking him why he can't stay his behind at home because I hate that neighborhood but it's what he does, when he's in town. So, he calls us to pick him up all calm like it's a regular night. I mean we do it everyday. We pull up and we see those "flashing lights" first thing that comes to my mind is "Oh my goodness, INS is deporting them." Most of the people there are not here legally. Then we see my brother walking to the car so we're like "yes he got away." Not knowing that he just got away from a bullet! He tells us when he gets into the car two people got shot, we're like "word". Then he goes into detail and we realize that two people in the same room as him were shot. He's telling the story about how the guys came in to rob them and how they tried to fight them off and his friends getting shot in the process, but it doesn't sink in. We're like "man you have 9 lives, you need to get on your knees and pray tonight, and you're going to church in the morning to testify". But it didn't really hit me the severity of the situation like you could have received a call saying your brother has just been shot; not until I follow him into the apartment and saw the speck of blood on his shirt, so small but it hit SO HARD.

Right now my prayers go out to the two men that were shot, and I'm fighting the urge to beat my big brother up because I'm happy that he's safe and scared that the situation could have had a totally different ending.

This is why I want to get my education, and make something of myself to get me and my family far, far, away from this %*&^(*&*& situations. I hope those guys are caught before they hurt someone else loved ones.

Randomness...& LockHawk

Yeah this post started off as a post about nothing and then my specialness went into full affect which resulted in the second video. :) I really don't drink...I just wanted to finally use my I.D. since I am 21 and all to purchase alcohol, and that stuff is like $5 dollars so I'm drinking it! (If you drink do it responsibly.) The lockhawk shall perish in the A.M. but for now I think I'll try to reign in all this craziness and hit the sheets. I'm really a shy person... :-D LOL subscribe to my YouTube channel please, think I'm starting to like this thing. *giggle*

Can't Sleep

This workout thing is messing with my sleep! I woke up at 5 am for the past 4 days in a row. Just laying up in the bed with no where to go, guess my body is used to that whole working out at 6 am so it's trying to get me up to eat in time. Well this body better re adjust because I'm not going to the gym that early anymore. I stopped working out with my guy friend because he lives too far, need to save my gas money. I also have a personal trainer now which I didn't tell him..but there isn't any point in paying for a membership that I won't be using and I wasn't using it much when I was working out with him. So, I'm going to workout before work, which is 9am-ish. The only thing I'll do at 6 am is take a walk with my sister and neighbor, which so far will only be twice a week. I have my training session tomorrow that trainer better not kill me...who am I kidding.

Apple gets on my nerves they just came out with a new Macbook! Ugh, and it's 200 cheaper then what I paid. $200 goes a long way. I don't regret getting my laptop when I did because it's helping me with school and it's my favorite color, all black...which the new MacBook isn't.

My hair needs a retightening but I had to cancel...I didn't budget right this month so I'm going to go my first 8 weeks without a retightening. I don't think I like it very much, I have a lock that has fully slipped out and my fingers get caught in my hair. I hope my hair isn't matting I took my time seperating them one by one and it doesn't seem that any of them are stuck together but I would have more piece of mind if I had a retightening. Do you ever get wierd desires to take a curling iron to your locks? Well I have and it's crazy because we don't have a curling iron and I hate the smell of burnt hair but here I am wanting to take some heat to these babies. I promise I get crazy when PMS strikes. Well this post wasn't really about anything I'm just killing sometime so that I can safely walk out of this room without being yelled at for waking someone else up before six.

4 Mile Walk

My first time walking I only made it 1.42 miles before I came crawling home tired, huffing and puffing. Today was sooooo different, my breathing is normal and I don't even feel sore, YET! lol I think the difference was that I had people walking with me, my sister and my neighbor joined in on my fitness journey. Yesterday my neighbor came over to tell us that she ordered a samba video and thought we could all do it together once it arrived and my sister told them how I was occasionally walking in the mornings and right away my neighbor said give her a ring in the morning she wanted to go too. My sister who went to the gym with me on Thursday and has been complaining about being sore ALL WEEKEND even got in on the action and we all set out this morning to do a mile walk. Well a mile turned into 2, then 3, and 4! It felt like turning back to get to the car would be further so we just kept following the path point out things on the way. Occasionally jogging to get away from the bugs, I don't do bugs lol...I'm like: "they're going to nest in my locks!!". We walked and walked until we were on the road that led to our apartments we'd made it that far but then the sun came out and we decided maybe a lift wouldn't hurt so we called someone to meet us, we jogged to the stop sign but the jog soon turned into a dash when I heard a dog barking and saw that the gate was open and there was no chain!! Yeah I don't play with dogs either...that really got my heart going because I ran towards the stopped car so fast!! Guess the dog was the little push we all needed because it forced them to keep up with my wild running. We made it!!! 4 miles on our first try and we're looking forward to Thursday morning seeing if we can add yet another mile. Just as much as I'm looking forward to breakfast and a shower.

_DiVA 0UT!!

I DON'T Want Kids!!!

I mean I do but dang, I don't know if I can be a mother. Especially not to more than one child. Why you ask, well let me tell you::

So yesterday my sister calls me while I'm at work and tells me that my nephew that I haven't seen in months is over at the apartment. I immediately get excited because I know his birthday is Monday and because his mother and me (my other sister) are not "tight" I don't go to her house. That part is a long story but back to the real story...okay so I become immediately excited thinking out loud we can have a movie night slash slumber party. I can pick up my other two nephews and my niece was already at the apartment, slide through get some pizza. (Wallie, Kung Fu Panda, Iron Man) The nephew that I rarely see is going to be 3 on Monday, than the other three which are from my oldest sister are 2, 6, and a soon to be 9 years old.

Okay so I get them all to the house they're all excited chanting movie night, well the two oldest. The younger ones are sneaking off on a mission to mess something up! Finally we get them all on a blanket in front of the TV, serve the pizza and we start Kung Fu Panda. They were all good for the first 5 minutes of the movie before the youngest two lost focus and decide they want to play something else, occasionally turning back saying "ahh movie" (cute but annoying) The mini me of the two youngest is continually asking for "waaaaater" which scares me because he refuses to wear pull ups and I'm thinking he's going to just let it rip every where. (He made me aware that he used the potty and it was so cute watching the lil thing go, I didn't even know he was being potty trained) The oldest two are annoyed I'm ready to pull out my hair and my sister is laughing at me. I decided to just split them up the youngest is the ring leader anyway. That works until the nephew I rarely see, his mother comes to pick him up. She had no idea that we were having a slumber party slash movie night because we don't speak to her so she comes in and of course only the kids are speaking to her, she takes her son tells him to say good bye and my lil' bourgeoisie niece gets up and leaves too. (That's also another story) Okay so now I only have two that should be easier right? No, it wasn't finally we tired my youngest nephew out get him to sleep, my oldest sister doesn't have her kids in bed until 1 am and I don't play none of that so 10 pm was a bonus for my 6 year old nephew, I have him get ready for bed and we all go to sleep. Mind you I'm sore as hekk from working out, back to back the past three days. The floor is not doing nothing for me right now and the living room is freezing for some strange reason, I want to be in a dang bed not on the floor! Fast forward: Wake up in the morning I ask what's for breakfast? They choose peanut butter sammiches, apple sauce and a juice box. Kewl I can do that but the mini me did not want to sit down and eat! I had to follow him around taking things out of his hand wiping peanut butter off of the couch than finally when he sat down to eat the lil boy throws up on me!!!!!! (crying) I don't do throw up! But any how I catch it in my hands (yuck) some landing on my feet. Calmly I dump it out wash my hands and take him to the bathroom to shower him. At this point I'm chanting I don't want kids my sister is laughing, he finds it funny and I just want to curl up in a corner and cry. They have short attention spans, if the TV is on it's like they have no souls.My oldest nephew tries to do that nasty speed bath so I have to scrub him down to make sure he's actually clean..not trying to take him home to his parents with grime. My sister needs to get her kids a pedicure too because the toes were NOT the business...ewww kids and dirt. I can't have hyper active kids! I see why my oldest sister stays cleaning because she has all three of those rugrats over night everyday. I now understand why they were all excited for me to take them all at once. Never again, I'm going to stick to the 1 or 2 at a time.

Okay in other news, I know I was supposed to post up 1 month update pictures but I decided against it. I'm going to do it at 3 month intervals. I'm still working out; Thursday with the trainer was fun but hard. I had her dying laughing and she had me dying working. We had fun, the session was supposed to be 45 minutes it lasted 2 hrs. She told me that her managers were speaking sideways about her working out with me so long but eh oh well it's because of her I finally decided to sign up and get a trainer! So I got all of my measurements done and this coming week probably Wednesday I'll meet with a trainer. I think my trainer is going to be the brother of the Denver Bronco's kicker forgot his first name but the last name is Prater. They came into my job and he saw my training journal and asked who my trainer was, when I said I hadn't chosen one yet he's like I'm going to be your trainer most likely. Then his mother and brother scared the hekk out of me saying how he trains hard. AHAHAHAHAHAH. Okay it's time to take these rug rats and my mommy to church, I feel bad for them because I forgot vital pieces to their outfits LOL I told yall I am no fashionista. From head to ankles they look okay but their feet look a bit rough, with the crocs. I hate crocs. Oh well the Lord says come as you are!

fitness stats:

Body fat%: 22.2%

Weight: 125 lbs

Neck: 14 in

Chest: 25.5 in

Shoulders: 39.5

Waist: 30.5

Hips: 35

Bicep R: 11

Bicep L: 11

Thigh R: 20

Thigh L: 19.5

Calf R: 13

Calf L: 13

9mths Lock Update

After sitting on the phone with apple care found out the Mac won't support movies from my camera until I get some sort of software to convert them to MPEG-4 format. So, I wasn't able to edit my faux pas: 800 points, not dollars! LOL I'm horrible with spelling and things like that because my brain is just a jumbled mess of thoughts and often times I click post before I edit. You have been warned lol...I'm not slow just hyper active :D!

On another subject, my brother broke my car door handle!! That monkey sucker grrrrr why I outta!! No you may continue to your regularly scheduled program.

I did it I did it

I did my second circuit training workout and I am so excited. On Friday I was only able to complete 3 sets of 20 on a 4 station circuit, and I was only able to do 15 minutes on a treadmill doing different speed intervals. I walked out of there feeling like AHHHHHHH. This time however I was able to get through the full 30 minute cardio training on the elliptical. Now, the first time I tried the elliptical was with my co worker at my gym we tried doing 15 minutes on the bikes and 15 on the elliptical, I only got through 7 minutes on that dern elliptical so I'm hekka excited about getting through a full 30 MINUTES!!! Within  only a weeks time that is a HUGE improvement at least I think. Not only was I able to get with it on the cardio but I did 4 sets of 20 on a 5 station circuit. What who's bad?!?! LOL I was able to walk out the gym this time. I'm walking to the machine to do a new rep and this is what happened:

D: Why'd you put the weights away?

Trainer: You're done.

D:What already?

T: Yeah you completed 4 sets, Friday you did 3.

D: (confusion on my face) Word, so we're done?

T: Yes see you Tuesday at 6 am.

D: But I'm not even tired.

LOL! Wow I was so excited I had to record that feeling.  I'm already seeing changes and I can't wait to take the 1 month compared to the beginning pictures. Well time to get my sweat stinky behind into the shower so I can get ready for work. I'll holla

DiVA0UT

Tongue that ear

LOL, this is me and my coworker aka "the man of my dreams" lol acting goofy at work. I just wanted to post it since it shows my pigtails lol everyone thought it was cute, you can't really see I have two pony tails in this edit of the photo because I photoshopped it to make it look like something out of a comic book my facial expression was one at least. (click for original)

I'm grown

Well sorta, I mean I am still my mommy's child I know that I'll forever be...but I'm really frustrated right now because it feels like the roles have been reversed in this household. Where my mommy has become the child and I the parent. I mean what more can you ask for, you have a 21 year old daughter that doesn't date, has never had a boyfriend, doesn't do drugs, is a virgin, works, goes to school comes home and spends all her spare time with you. Yet whenever I decide out of the blue I want to do something like go out to eat, see a movie and maybe go out dancing I have to worry that my mommy will throw a temper tantrum. I'm tired of putting my youth on hold. I've always had to be the mature one, the level headed, responsible one. I've never been able to live my age I just want to be my dang age! I'm too old, figuratively and I'm about to hit a mid life crisis do something crazy and that's just not me. I'm not sure why she's afraid to let me enjoy my youth. Nothing can nor will ever take her place in my heart, I work as hard as I do to show her how much I admire the woman she is and the sacrifices that she's made for our family. I only hope to be half the woman that she is BUT I want to live for me as well. I really don't understand this dynamic that we have, I can't be a baby for ever, why is it okay for me to have all the responsibilities of a grown woman yet still be treated as if I'm 3 years old. Why am I not able to reminisce about the great night that I just had with friends, instead of blogging because I'm worried about how she feels about me going out and having a great night. Every time mommy doesn't approve Diva packs up her things and runs back under mommy's skirt ever so obedient...but when does it stop? When does the story say "Diva finds herself and lives her life?"

***Yeah this blog is about a journey so it wouldn't be a journey if I didn't share the vulnerable moments as well.***

DiVA 0UT, nite nite

Yoga Update

Did I make it through the 40 minute work out? No, I didn't even get to do one minute of it, my brother is in town taking over the living room so I couldn't disturb him. (Really, he'd beat me up) When I came home from work the  program was no longer there, it only saved it for 24hrs. I'm going to find some beginner yoga baby steps, lol I see some A.M yoga maybe that's more calm, it's been a while so I guess I need to take it slow. I'm screening yoga episodes my brother and sister are laughing at me, screw them!  I will not be defeated, again baby steps. I'm going to post some pictures of me doing poses at a friends house back in 2006. I did it before I'm going to do it again, shoot!

I'm meeting with a friend at 6 am to work out so that I can learn proper form for weight lifting, I don't want to hurt myself trying to get fit that's not t

he goal at all.  I won't be experimenting with the yoga tonight other than some meditation to calm my anxiety right now. I have a midterm in my logics course tomorrow. I get test anxiety, it's like I psyche myself out. This is what was going through my mind an hour ago:

 

Inner voice: What if you get something simple wrong, the professor is going to be grading the paper like, dang she's not taking my course seriously.

 Diva to inner voice: Nah, he knows I'm a hard worker.

 

IV: Well he's going to be wondering why you're not seriously working hard to learn his material. You must not be smart.

 

D: I am, but I'm under a lot of stress...test are not my forte.

 

IV: He don't care about your stress he's just wondering why you missed all these questions.

 

D: I'm not going to miss a lot of questions, I'm going to do well.

 

IV: You better, because we don't fail.

 

D: We sure don't!

 

Yeah lol now, everyone is thinking I'm crazy. Don't act like you don't have conversations with yourself internally. (LMBO)

 

Ugh I have an orthodontist appointment, normally I binge eat because my mouth is going to be sore for like 3 days, but won't that defeat the purpose of this exercise stuff? Guess I need to stop at the grocery store in the morning get some mashed potatoes and soup.

 Nite nite!