***Yeah this blog is about a journey so it wouldn't be a journey if I didn't share the vulnerable moments as well.***
DiVA 0UT, nite nite
10.04.2008
I'm grown
Well sorta, I mean I am still my mommy's child I know that I'll forever be...but I'm really frustrated right now because it feels like the roles have been reversed in this household. Where my mommy has become the child and I the parent. I mean what more can you ask for, you have a 21 year old daughter that doesn't date, has never had a boyfriend, doesn't do drugs, is a virgin, works, goes to school comes home and spends all her spare time with you. Yet whenever I decide out of the blue I want to do something like go out to eat, see a movie and maybe go out dancing I have to worry that my mommy will throw a temper tantrum. I'm tired of putting my youth on hold. I've always had to be the mature one, the level headed, responsible one. I've never been able to live my age I just want to be my dang age! I'm too old, figuratively and I'm about to hit a mid life crisis do something crazy and that's just not me. I'm not sure why she's afraid to let me enjoy my youth. Nothing can nor will ever take her place in my heart, I work as hard as I do to show her how much I admire the woman she is and the sacrifices that she's made for our family. I only hope to be half the woman that she is BUT I want to live for me as well. I really don't understand this dynamic that we have, I can't be a baby for ever, why is it okay for me to have all the responsibilities of a grown woman yet still be treated as if I'm 3 years old. Why am I not able to reminisce about the great night that I just had with friends, instead of blogging because I'm worried about how she feels about me going out and having a great night. Every time mommy doesn't approve Diva packs up her things and runs back under mommy's skirt ever so obedient...but when does it stop? When does the story say "Diva finds herself and lives her life?"
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3 comments:
You know the answer to your question....it's just hard to accept it. No matter how old you get your mother will always see you as a child, regardless of what responsibilities you take on.
Remember that it sucks she's throwing a temper tantrum but she'll be there when you get back. What's the worst that could happen, you get lectured for a bit? It's all good cause going out with your friends and living your life is worth it.
Now I know actually talking to your mom is harder. I don't know if your mother is intimidating like mine but I wouldn't dare tell her to stop babying me or treating me like a child, for she is my elder...
It's a hard one but you do have to live your life, even if it takes a couple lectures before she realizes you aren't that little girl anymore.
Just don't go crazy or have a mid-life crisis when you're so young...ok?
Keep meditating...
Yeah, I know I just wish maybe she could see me as a child living in this day in age and not in 1950/60 when she was growing up. LOL it's funny that you say that because what had me so upset this morning was that she wasn't home when I got back she disappeared and had me worried about her. This is her way of teaching me a lesson imposing guilt. I would much rather the lecture but my mother doesn't do the communication thing well she's been my mother and father and due to the things she's been through emotion is a foreign concept to her, she is a VERY VERY intimidating lady..
All in all though I think we patched things up when I waited for her to finally come home. Think she realized her course of action wasn't the best and it's been placed behind us now. No mid life crisis yet...I'll wait until I actually get mid life that's like 65 these days lol.
Thanks Meika!
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